The Cullen Household
by Death Skater
Summary: Dropped. Wonder, what would be going on the in the Cullen household when Bella isn't there? The Title says it all.
1. When Alice gets bored

The Cullen House when Bella isn't around

**My Boring Life **After reading a bunch of extremely humorous stories, my mind was telling me I have to write this, or I'm gonna spazz and do the funny dance. Also, I was inspired by musical-gerbil 3 Thank you.

I do not Twilight, if I did, this would be in the book.

**Note** New Moon Spoilers. If you don't care about Spoilers, like them, or have read New Moon, lucky you.

**Disclaimer** No, this amazing book is not wirtten by me. It's by Stephanie Meyers. Don't get me sued.

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"… This did not happen…" a voice mumbled, his eyebrow twitching uncontrollably. "ALICE!"

"Alice isn't here!" another voice replied, which was CLEARLY Alice's voice.

"ALICE! COME HERE RIGHT NOW OR I'M GAGGING YOU AND DRAGGING YOU HERE!!!"

"Jasper won't be happy about that."

"He's not here, and he'll never know."

"What if I tell him?"

"You'll be dead by then."

"But I'm already dead. And Emmett is here."

"He left, and he told me he'll be here before Jasper comes, and he'll probably be really pissed once he finds out what you did to his room and will probably take my side."

"It was an accident?"

"NO IT WASN'T NOW GET OVER HERE **NOW**!"

"Alright, alright." Alice mumbled, zipping beside me. Edward was fuming at the sight of his poor room, which had lipstick on the walls and my stack of CDs knocked down, and probably all broken or scratched which would define them as unusable.

"… Now Alice… WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU WERE DOING THIS!?" Edward roared looking at a seemingly unaffected Alice.

"Shouldn't you know this? So much for your mind-reading powers." Alice replied, scoffing.

"… JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION." Edward growled. He was ready to stab a knife into Alice, but it wouldn't do much.

"Ok… Umm…" Alice started, tapping her chin, staring aimlessly into the ceiling.

That was when the door cracked open.

"I'm back!" a voice boomed through the halls. It was clearly Emmett. Alice took this chance and hid behind Emmett.

"Huh, what's going on?" Emmett asked, confused as usual.

"Edward trashed your room." Alice said, and if you looked closely, you could've seen Alice's eyes sparkle.

"… EDWARD YOU WHAT?!" Emmett asked his voice full with anger.

"ALICE DID IT! LOOK!!!" Edward replied, and with sheer and pure anger, pushed Emmett into his room, which was in fact, trashed.

"Alice…" Emmett said darkly, turning to her. Alice gulped, fear chilling down her spine, but with luck, the door opened again.

"… Uh, yeah it's me Bella!" and of course it was Bella.

"I'm here too!" Called a voice from behind her, and was in fact, Jasper's.

"Bella!" Edward called, and of course, he wasn't going to let Bella see him like this. "Uh, Bella, let's go out today! Stay inside isn't good!" Edward suggested nervously, avoiding letting Bella see his room and probably fall for Alice's phony lies.

"JASPER!" Alice practically screamed, taking cover behind him. Jasper was merely dumbfounded, wondering what was going on.

"What happened?" Bella asked, dumbfounded like Jasper.

"Nothing!" Edward said, hushing up by changing the subject, and dragging Bella away. Bella, of course, tried to get the answer, but no avail yet. Alice pulled Jasper's arm along to rid her mind of fears and go to… The Mall. Poor Jasper, having to help Alice get clothes, not that she'll need them. Edward shot a glare at Alice before turning to Emmett.

_Get her next time ma' brother? _Emmett thought, letting Edward know. Edward nodded before trying the change the subject with Bella as they left.

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Crappy and short, I know. Need to see whether people would read this or not XD


	2. Sweetie, here comes Lady Revenge

The Cullen House when Bella isn't around

**My Boring Life **Sigh, not much to say, so here goes nothing. Plus, in this story, let's just say the Cullen's can sleep, Capish? Then can eat and sleep like any other human. In this story. So don't whine about some crap in reviews that goes "But the Cullen's can't sleep!" If you do that, don't read this then -- Cause if you do, I'm blocking you. Sorry for being mean, but you know, if you whine about even though I told you not to, it's retarded.

**Disclaimer** Twilight and New Moon are clearly the true artistry of Stephanie Meyers.

.-.-.

.-.Alice POV.-.

_Scribble._

_Scribble. Scribble._

_Scribble. Scribble. Scribble._

"**Edward and Emmett Cullen… I shall destroy you both… It's mean of me to write more pain of the deluded imbecile duo, but too bad for them. No one destroys my expensive Hollister Collection and lives.**" I muttered, writing my dark plots. "Well, technically we **are** dead, but screw that."

_It all began with…_

"I'm back!" I called through the house, looking for someone else. I hoped Edward wouldn't be searching through my head to make some devious plan. I was a little scared, afraid of what crazy contraption Emmett and Edward built. I found my way to the couch, sitting comfortably, as I closed my eyes. I concentrated hard, trying to see the future. I didn't see anything involving something bad towards me. I assumed I was safe. I flipped over the couch, and headed toward the stares. I got grip of the railing and headed up, and felt something ensnare my leg.

"What the--!?" I shouted, feeling herself tripping. Thus, I tumbled down the stairs, and grumbled darkly. Pulling myself up, I rubbed my head, looking up the stairs and saw a rope.

"Gee, how kind Edna, Emma." I mumbled, using those pet names, also girl names for her _older brothers_. I moved to the other side of the stairs, beginning to walk, but only to feel her foot stuck. She tugged lightly, and ended up breaking a piece of the stair off.

"Emmett, Edward, you two are getting it." I grumbled, walking up the stairs awkwardly, with her newly acquired footwear. Next came _it_, which happened to be honey on the ground, making me slip, and slide on the honey to wear in lead her, which was my room. And my poor room was demolished. There was paint splattered everywhere.

"My… My… Candy Wrapper collection… **Emmett Cullen! Edward Cullen! You will die by my very hands!**" I shouted, her voice booming through the house, maybe the whole block. After a fifteen minute attempt to lift herself up, I got the hang of it, and brought herself up. I looked at the room, my clothes were scattered too. I looked at her favorite Hollister jeans, which were tattered and ruined. This was not my day. Dear, not even close.

"My clothes… **They cost a fortune!**" I whined, banging her fist on the ground, leaving an extensively large hole. My ears perked up as I heard giggles and laughter. I picked up my drawn on desk and saw Edward under it.

"**Edward Cullen. You are a dead man.**" I said grimly and Edward looked at me with fear for a minute.

"Hah, no way!" Edward scoffed, standing up. I merely glared at him darkly, waiting for his response. For a moment, he had been frozen stiff, and shook it off. Next thing I knew, Teddy Eddy jumped out the window. I jumped out right after him, running at light speed, but generally, Edward was faster. I ended up losing him, and Emma was nowhere to be seen. Damn. I'll get them back.

**And my evil plot is put into action.**

.-.**Edward POV Next Morning**.-.

"Bella!" I could hear a perky voice, most likely Alice's. I opened my eyes groggily, looking around. My room was no different to how I left it. I smiled, maybe Alice gave in. I could here footsteps heading towards here. Alice was probably Bella, how kind. The knob turned and I saw Alice grinning darkly and widely. _Too bad Emmett is hunting is weekend. Carlisle in busy and won't be home for various nights. Esme is visiting Tanya with Rosalie. It'll be just **you and me** Teddy Eddy._ I could hear Alice think, knowing she was doing it on purpose. I saw Bella trying to suppress laughter, failing miserably. She began to go into a laughing fit, rolling on the ground.

I was stunned. What was so funny? I got up, dashing to the mirror. Of course, horror. My hair had been dyed _pink_. **Pink, who the heck did this?!**

_**Alice Cullen. You will die.**_

.-.-.

Sorry for shortness, Writers Block for like, all my stories Dx


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